This is sad, and random but on my mind today.

When I was a kid I was sexually assaulted, this is known, no worries, my life has moved on time ago. It gave me an insight. I was 15 when I first went through court. I tried to talk to some friends my age (of an economic class above mine mostly), they baulked of course & I could've realised they would but didn't at the time. It let me know how much I had grown, perspective widened, and I realise as I reflect on it now.. my first insights into most things criminal started long before that with sexual assults on others. Where I lived the rates of stranger assaults were average, being a young girl/woman who sometimes walked to school we would be informed of danger areas and when was more of a risk to be out alone day or night, for these months at a time (about 8 or 9 when we started getting regular warnings, school, tv, friends' mums, neighbours etc). Winter there were always fewer but if reports came in you had to take them more seriously, summer rapists were laissez-faire(!) (That's sarcasm brackets, just in case it's unknown). At some point I started marking in my mind patterns of progression and threat levels for myself. By the time I was 15 and fucked up enough to walk at night alone in my trench coat wherever the wind took me I was pretty good at it, carried a knife (& lessons on use) anyway, I'm not an idiot. Is it unusual that this was my inital insight into crime? From what I know of other Brit' women.. nope, not at all.

#metoo

People have tried to define freedom in so many different ways, this (imo) must be the kind of post hoc justification that humans are so hard wired to put themselves through in order to maintain sanitiy.. the simple definition of freedom is self-determinism and self control.

I've just experienced a moment of tresha, am crying hot tears... if you don't know what I'm talking about then go read Chambers' The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet already.

Language forms the basis of how we convey thoughts and ideas to one another. It's a complex beast at this point in humanity's history. It's been symbols and sounds for so long we don't consciously identify them as that [thought experiment: the next time you're throwing a controller across the room or shouting in a rage at the tv, have a listen to the actual sounds that are in the air.. now think about other animals that make sounds like that, when and why they're speaking that way]. If you look at the ancient symbols (a friend showed me a sequence by time once) that made up their languages there's something visceral (particularly in kanji)... have you ever wondered that a ? sort of looks like a scythe? Like maybe xe was thinking of the ultimate question?

Anyway, that thought made me smile this morning. Hope everyone's having a day worth having.

hello

  Humans are so damn stupid (I say this with all the love, a wise person knows how little they know) so much of the time. Our own flaws keep us constrained when we oculd learn so fucking much if we just open up a little more. Maybe this is just me but...... I see it everywhere at the moment, a little nudge in the direction of kindness and humans, well, we love to hope. [It drives our minds up, right up the spine and past the hind brain, into the higher frequencies.] Bug (nickname) taught me that being open is seeing yourself for everything that you are and seeing others for everything that they show you.

Oh twitter... no matter how hard you suck I still won't use facebook....

the trick is to keep breathing

People are great at somethings and shit at others;

Never fear being weak bc it only shows a strength elsewhere.. and everyone is weak in some way.

TDS: hahhahaha ty it'd only say 42 and tell us to get more complicated ;) missed the show so much while it was away. P.s. Noah, I hope there's a voice in your head that tells you to eat, sleep and look after yourself, bc there's a bunch of people out here hoping you do :P :))

Add  :D Awesome zen lately! *rolls off laughing*

Having a shitty morning today, doodling for entertainment. (Please ignore cake recipe and how fucking crap my drawing is ;) lol).

Woke

From the moment I heard the term I fell in love. It's intuitive and obscured in the best possible ways (fill in the blanks or discuss what it means, either way works awesomely). Words have defined uses, yet are only as good as they are used.

Being woke (just in case) is being aware - specifically of the racial tensions and history within and around the U.S. Now I'm hesitant to take a word out of context (looses meaning, and in this case could be offensive, given the tensions involved) but the word is so good, you can apply it to so many contexts: homophobia, sexism, our own personal psychological flaws.. it's [im]practically a universal term. And okay, [I'm a word nerd] do you know how relatively few and far between they are?

Fuck! You could even translate it into other languages and still convey near the sane thing.

It's not slang, it's visceral. And so necessary right now.

I am tired. Of having to argue the case. Of being questioned by everyone for every time a dude has pushed instead of backing off at a rejection, doubled down and made a scene.

Because the worst ones are the people who should know better... 'You were asking for it,' whether he just got gropey or a whole lot nastier it doesn't matter. I am tired. So welcome to hell.




A/N: particularly relevant now because I heard a rape whistle go off somewhere down the end of my street at 5am and I couldn't find her, can only hope it stopped because she* got to safety. (*female, I'm assuming bc I don't know any guys with rape whistles).

Shorty and the flock have come around for lunch, cat tried to pounce at them unsuccessfully.

Nothing is actually simple. I'd not quite thought of it this way before, but it's true... Cell division is actually really complicated, 1+1 is a simple problem from which you can devise subtraction, multiplication and this whole beautiful system of numbers. Occam's Razor only says 'the simplest' bc nothing is actually simple.


We blanket ourselves in layers of civilisation and howl our agonies as animals.

I've talked about this before.. maybe even bored you, but I've just seen an example of this discussed and I'm furious.

Trevor Noah claims the bullies helped make him what he is. This is a fallacy. His life's experience has made him what he is and if those experiences had included the kind of healthy (supportive) pushing then it's quite possible he would be in the same place as roughly the same person. Experiencing shitty things does force people to consider things in a different way and since your life is largely swayed by your perspective on it this can lead to some major changes.


Did you know this is also something that two of my three paedophiles claimed they were doing for me... challenging me to be more.. because they'd raped me.

The idea that having had shit in your life makes you a better person is utterly absurd.

Shit happens in life and sometimes that cannot be avoided, sometimes.... the volcano erupts... but do people need others to beat them in order to toughen up? Absurd.

Since Trump was elected and britain decided to slit its own throat to leave something that it was pretty lucky to join like that to begin with... I spend half my time considering suicide, a quarter on how stuff could knit back together and a quarter on the best ways to destroy humanity (so far I'm on a tweaked virus so it only infects humans and is too highly contagious to be avoided anywhere on the planet... I'll think of a way to kill anyone on the ISS later.. cue hysterical laughter).

Dumb thing is bc I've spent so much time on carefully breaking myself lately (otherwise known as therapy, uh without a therapist) I've been finding how my cracks sit together, rekindling the love of a blank page filling with spider-writing and the feel of hands thickening under gloves as sawdust fills the room.

There's a process I usually go through in therapy (bc having an external source of insight and support can avoid some of the more extreme reactions like crying yourself asleep, then awake, then asleep again for days at a time). It starts with a contraction, a focusing in on my core and issues, followed by the patterns around these (past and predictable future) then a process of reflection and evaluation. An expansion - a look at how these issues are displayed in the world (I cannot tell you in words how happy I am about R.Moore not getting that election) and this is usually where I collapse in a heap and have to start again because the world has some pretty fucked up views. I've talked about revenge and idealised-sadism within society (punish!), I've talked about poverty and capitalism (though mostly in Means so I'll stick that up sometime), how many many people seem to be misalligned and.. all the things that make me crazy because the only next logical step after finding that my views conflict with the observable society I'm in is to try to make a peace between these or (if that's not possible) try to change as many minds as I can (debate the issue, always accepting the potential that I'm wrong [within reason, evolution is a theory but a damn good one] and therefore debating openly).

I guess that's just it, I need to keep talking to people.

..in life I've found that there are patterns, of behaviour for example, so my rule of thumb is assume nothing about a person but allow that they're capable of both the best and worst of your imagination [edit: and plenty beyond it, in virtually any direction].

..research is fun. For UK people - did you know that the *Metro is owned by the Daily Mail? [Correction: they're both owned by Trinity, link below]. And I'm sure you know this.. there are relatively few people who own newspapers in the UK these days, Trinity Mirror being the largest (wiki) [umbrella corp]. They own the Daily Mail, several other big ones and well over a hundred local papers too.

*For non-UK people: the Metro is a terrifyingly shit free newspaper on every bus, train and tram in basically every city, published Monday through Friday. It's usually got at least a few typo's and spelling mistakes (uh i mean I do that all the time but.. this is a blog) and [basically] only talks about how crappy poor people are and crime, grittier the better it seems.

Shit, huh?

Did anyone not see Blunt Talk? These should give a good feel for it...



According to the internet it was boring.. maybe they didn't observe the guideline of the title enough.

Think I might have just seen something beautiful. Have a look ;)