Haha! Stiches in my face, they say I look like a pirate!

 About to go get stabbed by a load of needles....

professionals with needles...

...this is a strange sensation.













"Bye sheeps! Thanks for waking me!" :P haha

Birds use cigarette butts for chemical warfare against ticks

Want to say something profound here. Something that fixes the world. shores up all the self esteem issues of the individuals we all are, make it impossible to fear like that guy did. So that everyone understands.

I don't know if there are words enough.

You are an (almost) infinitesimally small part of a universe that is so vast and complex that you are simultaneously the most important thing in your universe and virtually non-existent otherwise.

You can be beaten and abused and you will always be some shade of you. Broken, lost, dementia to the nth degree, doesn't matter because you're always going to be you and there's nothing anyone can do about that. They can even manipulate and change your mind and you will come back given enough life.

You can be the guys who [blah*] and know that you are long forgiven because.. oh man, this life is too short for fear and anger and hate and revenge. And dude it only took me fifteen years to get there. You are just as small as we all are. Bacteria clinging to the edge of the world and looking up. We each have just as much** space to burst ourselves through. We all want a better world... So for fuck's sake please. Humans, please.

I don't know what I can do.

I don't know how I can be more than just myself and pull this whole fucking, feasting, impatient, inopportune species of ours out of the (Jesus!) the fucking second dark ages but fucking hell I'll keep trying.


   oh this video only works for america? [well hey on a different note entirely.. have you guys seen this vpn? it's free and you can use it as an ad-block.............or something]     [*blah edited for this trigger warning: ..can be the guys who raped me and know that you are long forgiven].  **edited bad wording, [internal word-map] makes different meanings of context.


Because we're worth it ;) and so is this floating turtle and whatever, people just need to get the fuck over themselves. We are... None of us are perfect. We all fuck shit up. Sometimes we fuck it up for other people.

,,,,

....

Holy shit this could be read the wrong way. That guy when I mentioned earlier was the cop, scared and fucking up, we're all that guy. And he needed to realise that the world isn't as scary as he thought it was right then, get the fuck over himself and take what life brings. we all need to do that a bit...* if what I see outside the window is anything to go by (fuck knows, I need to get over myself all the fucking time).

There is a process of grief. It involves some anger, anger is a process in-and-of itself (fuels, pushes, motivates action). It's so easy to wallow in emotion, to let it be more than [cognitive displays] and it can be incredibly hard to let it go, to shove it over the top of the hill and watch it fall away.

And [oh god] look I'm one person probably talking shit here... it's not like my life has been the worst, sure it's not all roses but.... look at this world. Really look at where we are... how can we go outside and not smile at strangers.. because... we're all in this together. ALL OF US.



    [edit to addL *holy shit I can't believe that was aquitted.. oh fuck... argghhhhhh.......]



I still don't know what I can do. You know that? I'm 30 and I've only just begun to feel like I can really do things around this place with a good idea that I'm doing it right. It scares the shit out of me that people make more little humans before they even know themselves.. my sister did that (I don't think she regrets it and her kids sure don't - they're amazing, seriously cool people..) I don't think she was prepared at first to grow up like that, to have to shove her own perspective aside for mini-humans - she did it because she's a good mum and an awesome person.. (but.. it's not comfortable at [teenage]yrs)

Someone asked me recently 'it's not the rate of crimes [against women] going up, right? it's the amount that are being reported..?' which I confirmed [I believe this is the case]... Hypothesising a social cascade in motion. This someone talks about intersectionality often.

"She still has the presence of mind to be deferential."

Because it always comes back to perspective, empathy, keeping your head.

            Quietly


So here I sit in this patch of wilderness.
Chased away by the storm,
           calling quietly for the revolution
           (& like a cowardly suicide risk
                        not following through).

This world.
Humans like to understand,
except time,
like to know where we stand,
won't look around.

Dawn breaks and our minds concider
'this is a day, just like yester. and tomorrow'
We take time to happen and time for granted.

This world.
Our world.
Only love and so patient with us.

:P

Don't know what I'm doing here.. be warned this is about to be free flowing nonsense..

Probably said this before.. you can't change the past, the only thing that can happen is a perception change which influences the future. It's harder work than denial or wallowing.

Migraine (day three) so a huge coffee and Farscape... s01e02

Zhaan: "Time and patience."
Crichton: "Is that your answer for everything."
[long exchange about symbiosis and life, episode plot relevant]
Zhaan: "..the answer is reverence for all living beings, which may come with time and patience."


Me  :D

Just had a strange and strained conversation with a drunk man. I believe he believes that only through suffering can one achieve enlightenment (either that or he was just trying to scare me or something). But (and it's too late to say it to the dude) it's all about perception. Reality is data and perception's our interpretation of it, get the interpretation skewed and the whole thing looks different.

..this is completely incidental and about nothing in particular..

So I think about aspd a lot, the nature of things (natural cycles of mind and world) and aspd within that. Observations show clearly that aspd is diagnosed when empathy sways the other way, particularly in cases where an individual is capable of altering their behaviour and for whatever reasons decides not to empathise with others as a primary focus (if incapable, tagged autistic / aspergers / apd). I've come to a loose theoretical conclusion, though I've no idea how true it is, that these things are variations on a theme and differences are likely something to do with the manner body (unconscious processes) presents the [data] questions to mind (conscious process).

On a lighter note I finally got to the end Season 1 of Dear White People - and I'd just like to say fuck yeah, that's an interesting idea for structure! (Oh and a bunch of obvious things about colourism and people being equal-ly fucked up regardless of race/gender/sexuality/personality/IQ/etc). It's been said that an ensemble cast gives a significantly wider scope for story telling, well it appears that script [directing, acing etc] takes on leaps like technology and wow this one's a Hubble. Genius. Great idea. In fan fiction [and novels, though more rarely] the switching POV has been used to ..simulate time passage, as route to give a story depth of world, to play off characers, etc.. Either I haven't seen it or it's not been used like this in tv.. uh, ever.. A shifting focus (Avengers) rather than a static protagonist (Breaking Bad) sure.. but an actual POV change chapter by chapter, I love it!

And in other news, Platypus caught her first bird yesterday morning... obviously I feed the birds... these little ones nested in our eaves.. I was a little upset.. may have screamed and scared the shit out of everyone. Little bird was completely fine, not a scratch on her. Bless Platypus she brought us a pristine dinner and was kept inside and played with for her troubles most of the day. About an hour later we took the bird outside and I heard her* singing for the dawn a little while ago - she's well and seems happy - *bit of an assumption but there are three of them and I heard three little birds so :) yay!

This little earworm gets a chance every morning:

Oh.. and I came home to fucking epic new Daily Show* after being rescued after being stranded on the way back.. people are awesome, even if I do need to periodically run away!

*..so badass and awesome and pretty and at this point I may actually be a fangirl of Michelle Wolf. Hassan's faces crack me up too (all round amazing cast and probably crew though we don't see them so it's harder to tell). And a moment of zen that left me felling balanced after last night's show :D  /fangirl ;)

 <-- does anyone know what kind of tree this is? Thinking oak but I'm terrible at tree identification (all about the hugging!)

hello..


I ran away to the wilderness for a little while, it was very pretty. I got a lot of exercise and thought about the universe, religion and how we connect with each other (animals, human or otherwise) and ourselves - talked to the birds who lived nearby (they mostly laughed at how I can't hold a note) and generally avoided humanity.



This is a field.

This is a graveyard.