..this is completely incidental and about nothing in particular..

So I've just recognised a pattern of behaviour in myself (though this blog which is the only reason I'm posting it here). I find it strange and uncomfortable when people look at me or listen to what I have to say with a spark in their eye that tells me they're.. Listening (if you know what I mean).. that's due to crushing self esteem issues that I've mentioned (somewhat obliquely) before (and probably will again) which, incidentally, led fairly directly to many of my biggest fuck ups through life so far (homelessness, break ups etc). I find it somehow uncomfortable (and nourishing) to see many hits on this blog. And.. this is dumb but.. I mention the Daily Show quite a lot, I like it quite a lot. When mentioning it I often talk about Wolf (she's a badass) and the structure [uh actually I don't write that much, more just thinking on that] and whatever I usually just squee... but I've been leaving it unspoken how fucking awesome Trevor Noah is and I've gotta assume that the majority of the structural changes that have been evident over time have to do with the main guy (..I mean, it's his show, right? I'm sure there a range of input but at the end of the day..). And so that's because I feel an affinity.. unconsciously recognising that in his position I would feel uncomfortable at praise I've been leaving it out when raving about the show because.. I mean it's obvious that I hugely appreciate the guy given that he's the host-backdrop through which all the amazing happens, right?
Perhaps there are personality types that I unconsciously don't expect and react-with-[type]-in-mind [predict for]... which could lead to all manner of fuck ups down the line from not recognising issues with time to correct before they blow to not recognising a need until it's too far down the line to recover etc.. hmm.... more work :)

Ha! If you got this far on the nonsense post - thanks for reading! Have a poem for your pains  :P  on structural failure within society:


Messy Nonsense

Screaming voids
Always how it begins
Silent voices and holes of indifference.

There is hunger to the world.